But instead, last year must be considered our best year, since there will not be another year for us.
Although, perhaps, if I sit quietly and wonder WHY this must be the Year of the Horse. I believe everything happens for a reason, so why is the world telling me to celebrate the horse instead of mourn the horse?
Because life must go on. Because no matter how hard I wish, there is no time machine or magic wand that can bring him back. So I must keep trying to go forward, even though it's hard. As Dumbledore so wisely said to Harry when he was found gazing again into the Mirror of Erised; "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
As I mentioned, I am taking lessons again. I had my first lesson on January 20th. I felt like a fish out of water. It's like I didn't know how to do anything. It felt foreign to do up the halter clip, use two hands to lead a horse, put the reins over the head before removing the halter. With Junior I could, and most often did, work with him with multiple safety violations. I don't know why I felt the need to know I could trust my horse to obey without the safety restraints. But now I need to follow all the proper safety protocols because this isn't my horse, or my bridle, or my grooming tools. I had to get help figuring out a pad combination so my saddle could fit this 13.2hh pony instead of my 16hh horse.
After a long conversation with the BO about my new horseless riding goals, my anxiety about other horse, my severe out-of-shapeness, etc., so the Sillypony was assigned to Lillypony. She's new to the barn and reminded me quite a bit of Debon in size, color, gait, and temperament.
I went to mount and she stepped off before my other foot was settled so I got a little spooked (OMG is this walk off leading to a BOLT!?!?... shut up, Overanxious one) but after about 30 feet of walking and I was over the fear of the bolt for now, but then I started to cry. This is not my horse. My horse is gone. After a bit I was able to compose myself and we did a nice walk/trot lesson including a few poles and an Equitation pattern. Both Lillypony and I are rather out of shape so we were allowed multiple walk-breaks. I shared the lesson with Junior's former Brofriend, Mystic and his owner. I'm sure Mystic shared my longing for a different mount, as Mystic detests all ponies, and we both miss the Bug. I cried again for a bit when I thought too much about how much Mystic must miss him and how his teeth-grinding was greatly lessened when the two bros were in turnout together.
But even with the emotional bubblings, overall the lesson was a good start. BO made the welcome suggestion that I stay with Lillypony for a few lessons until I feel more comfortable, so I expect I'll get to ride her tomorrow in our weather make-up lesson and on Monday in my regular weekly lesson. I am very much looking forward to my upcoming lessons, but I certainly miss the privilege of being able to ride my horse any time I want to. I remember when I first got Junior and first experienced that privilege; I was clueless about what to do on my rides! Oh how much we learned in 5 years.
So, here's to the Year of the Horse.... and Thank You to Lillypony for taking the first steps with me.
|At least the view has familiar colors.|