Monday, September 8, 2014

Diary of the Overanxious Horse Owner: The Reboot

I started this blog because I bought a horse.  I had wanted a horse for as long as I could remember.  I was excited and freaked out including having a panic attack in the truck while my trainer and I drove him back to our barn.  I started this blog as a way to "vent" and to verbally process what I was going through as a first time horse owner.... a very nervous and anxiety ridden first time horse owner.

And now, on what would have been our 6th Anniversary, I'm still just as overanxious, but no longer a horse owner.  Losing Junior is still fresh, even though it's been almost nine months.  It's better now, of course, but there is still a hole in my heart that will never fill completely.  I have a near constant urge to hold his face, to let him snuffle my hair, to go with him on all those adventures we had planned.  But I'm a realist and those are simply things I don't get to have.  The unfairness of it all feels like a vice on my chest, but letting go is getting easier as time goes by.

So what's with "The Reboot"?  Well, it's time to make one more step in moving on, by rebooting this blog and focussing on the future instead of the past. You may have noticed a new look to the blog site. As painful as that is, it needs to happen.  He wouldn't want me to dwell on the past.  It's still going to be the same blog, but I'll be doing less mourning and more doing.   I'm going to try to avoid bringing everything back to Junior, but I guarantee everything I do that has anything to do with horses makes me miss him.  I'm not going to change the name of the blog, though.   I'll be a horse owner again someday.

For starters, I'll tell you about the Horse Show!  It was just a barn show like we did last summer, but our barn shows are so much fun and have ribbons and a real judge.  I think they'd be considered "schooling shows".   I count this as a pretty good milestone, although I did require a kleenex later in the day when Junior's Other People and I were reminiscing.

I showed my Lillypony in Walk-Trot Equitation Pattern and Adult Walk-Trot Equitation (rail only) and we won both of our classes.  I still have difficulty getting her to do upward transitions when I ask for them, but I learned that spurs and a crop sure help... oh ponies.



I am also doing a half-lease on a horse!!! This all happened very quickly and somewhat by chance. Here's the tale:  I sold my western show saddle (Uh, the one you spent so much time finding?  Yeah that one.) so I decided to try an old saddle my friend was trying to get rid of, just so I would have something to ride in until I decide what my next real saddle will be.  I asked B if I could ride Zip in it for a minute to see if I liked it.  She happened to have a horse coming to her farm so she could try him for a client of hers.  I took one look at the horse and wanted to ride him.  If I had been ready to be horse shopping I probably would have bought him right there. Instead I got to ride him and I finally understand the phrase "I could lope this horse all day" means! Her clients decided to buy him and keep him at B's farm while they get to know him and take lessons.  Then after winter they'll take him home to their house.  While he's at B's, or at least until I get sick of him (HA!) I'll be riding him three days a week.


Sporting my "new" 30-year-old rescue saddle.


So that's what we'll be doing for now.  Here's to looking forward.







10 comments:

  1. Congrats on the half lease! The healing process is slow and hard, but we're all here for you.

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  2. I saw this the other day, and I think it's appropriate:

    "When you're sad, you live in the Past. When you're satisfied, you live in the Present. When you're excited, you live in the Future."

    Congratulations on the half-lease and have fun!

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  3. Yeah! He looks super cute, enjoy!! And share!

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  4. Aww, that's great that you're leasing a horse you really like! It's all part of the healing process. Like you said, you'll always have a Junior-shaped hole in your hear but spending time with other equines can only be good for you.

    Gotta ask - why did you sell that saddle? I thought you liked it so much!

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    1. It was primarily the size. I promise to explain in rambling detail in an upcoming post.

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  5. Looking forward to reading more!

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  6. Moving on is a long, difficult process... But you will get to a point where you're ready to open your heart again. I'm really glad to hear you'll be riding more, and Lease Horse is totally adorable!

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  7. I just opened my own saddle shop, which means I constantly have saddles on the brain. I seem to gravitate towards the older ones, so I totally zero'd in on your new old saddle. What kind is that? I love it!

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    1. Don't worry, Cindy, there will be a whole post about the saddle. ;)

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  8. `That sounds like a good step in the right direction.

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