How Do You Measure a Year?

31,563,000 Seconds.
525,600 Minutes.
8760 Hours.
365 Days.
12 Months.
1 Year.

How do you measure a year?  In daylights?  In sunsets? In minutes? In cups of coffee?

I posted the same lyrics on the day of our 1-year anniversary. 

There is no denying that a Year is significant.  We celebrate seasons, anniversaries and birthdays every year.

It has been a year since I lost my goofy boy.

The day he passed was covered in snow and so very very cold.  Today it's in the 30's, there hasn't been snow for weeks, and it's raining.

I wonder what life would be like if he had survived.

I don't get to know.

What I wouldn't give to step into the TARDIS and go visit him.  To run my hands along his sleek roan coat, which was never shiny because roans don't shine, but it felt very shiny.  His big dumb white head with his always-dirty nose, his almost-arab-curled-in ears.  His big heavy feet (all four clumsy left feet of his) and his beautiful tail. I miss his eyes.  He had roan eye lashes, you know.  Such a tiny detail you wouldn't notice until you spent hours looking into his eyes.  I miss the view from between his ears.  I miss fighting with him.  I miss his affection.  I miss being a horse owner.

In some ways I've moved forward, but as I sit here and write, the tears are flowing faster than the keys.  I certainly feel better than I did a year ago, and for the most part I can talk about it and think about it without getting too sad.... until I think about it too much.  Sometimes something in a movie or a song will hit me too hard.

I miss him.  I will always always miss him.

When I look in the mirror of Erised I see him.  But I know that "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."  JK Rowling taught me that through Dumbledore's words.  But I'd still use a Time-Turner if I could find one.

I sold all his blankets and his tail.  I super-cleaned all his brushes and divided them into two kits, one for Lilly at one barn and one for Kevin at the other. His embroidered halter hangs in my tack box but I try not to look at it.  His everyday halter and lead are still in a grocery bag tucked in the back invisible bottom compartment of my tack box.  I still can't bear to do anything with it.

There were some things that were "his" that I can't imagine using on another horse, like his show halter that sits in it's padded bag in the closet.  But there are things, like the plain one-ear headstall that I got way back when I was showing Banee in 4H that I have no problem using on Kevin because some things were "mine."

I'm not ready to have a horse again yet; neither financially nor emotionally.  Kevin was lame for a few weeks (bad farrier job, NOT my farrier) and I had a terrible time not freaking out about what kind of terminal injury/disease it might be.  Clearly I'm not ready to have that kind of commitment to be overanxious about.  But it's nice to be riding and have goals and something to look forward to and help keep me in some sort of riding shape. Kevin is not cuddly, but Lilly is, so at least there's that.

I was thinking I'd have more of a memorial project done by now but I don't.  I have plans for the one shoe of his that I have, and the brass name plate I got just before he had his surgery.   I did order a photo book from Shutterfly so that's a nice thing to have on my coffee table.  I didn't add any words, just pages of photos, some pages were themed and some were just a collage.

The front cover.

The back cover. 

"Learn this well, the last ride is never the last ride, & the end is not the end."

I'm headed out to the barn today for a little holiday barn party.  I'll bring the book, but I'll let Kevin help keep me moving forward.  Go hug your ponies for me.

Bit Warmers!!!

Hey!  Remember in the before time, in the long long ago when I spent a year perfecting a bit warmer pattern/tutorial and started selling it on Etsy?

Well guess what!?!?!

I have some FINISHED bit warmers for sale!  You can now have your very very own!  And you don't even need to sew!!!

I've looked closely at all the bit warmer options on Etsy and I'm still convinced mine are the best ones. They are also the highest priced ones. Yes, clearly I am biased, but I'm the only one who offers something that is both washable (outer layer) and totally safe to put in the microwave (inner layer).  Although it's clear that many of the ones on Etsy were inspired by my original tutorial which were polar fleece and I did put them in the microwave... but that was before I really thought about how polyester melts.  So I upgraded.   And they are a bit time consuming.  Lots of steps.  Worth it though.  Totally worth it.

Also, if you google DIY Bit Warmer, it's all me or things inspired by me.  Even the eHow article which is clearly a rip off of my original post.... lazy. Although the youtube video is not me and made me giggle.... cause that won't warm anything up... it's just fabric.

They really are awesome if I do say so myself.  I am currently in a barn with no microwave, so I've been stuffing the pockets of the polar fleece shell with my hand warmers.  Totally works!  Then I stick the hand warmers in my pockets and go ride.

Seriously:  Happy pony + Happy hands = Everyone wins.

So head on over to Etsy and buy me out before Christmas!  The monogrammed ones are particularly cool.  And because you've been here since the beginning of the bit warmer saga four years ago, and because I like you guys so much, you can use coupon code VIPTEN and get 10% off.  Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas!!!!

And to those of you in climates warm enough to render this object useless: Shut it.  Seriously.  Or let me move in with you. I lost all feeling in my toes today and then it came back in a burning fire pain. Gotta love Raynauds.  Also, last Wednesday I bit my tongue while trying to talk through chattering teeth.  It still hurts.

Is it Spring yet?

CLICK HERE TO GO TO SEE THEM ON MY ETSY SHOP!

Helo "helping" me sew....

A Real Trail Horse

I am very inexperienced with trail riding.  I have been on a few trips to a nose-to-tail trail riding place.  While in Grad school I spent a summer working at the Santa Fe Opera and enjoyed a great ride through the desert and hills walk/trot/canter on narrow paths with fit, happy, healthy horses that only did one ride a day.  That one was pretty cool.

Then I got Junior who was terrified of trees... and water... and geese.  We did manage a small handful of trail rides but they were always a bit tetchy.  The one barn we were at had a few miles of trails attached that I tried to go on as much as possible, but I don't think there was ever a trip without at least one spook, scramble, or spin. There was one, after a Cowboy Challenge that Junior followed along behind Rio like a teenager in love and didn't spook or stumble once, but the norm was a snorty nervous horse who may spin around at any moment.  We never had any real disasters, but it usually didn't make for an overly pleasant experience.  My few attempts at getting him into/through water were usually a scrambly jumpy mess.

At B's barn, she is keeping a paint mare named Lexi for a good friend of hers who had a stroke last spring.  I'd ridden her a few times, and with Kevin out lame for most of a month, I ended up riding her in our Ranch Horse Pleasure clinic.  More on both of those topics later.

A few days before the clinic, B and I were riding in the arena and she asked if I wanted to take the horses down to where she found we could get into the creek. They've only lived there about a year so they're still exploring the 80 acres of trails.  I said "Sure!" but in my head I was picturing trail riding on a strange horse... and all the potential disasters that lay ahead.

But I was on Lexi.

And it was amazing.

Not once did she hesitate, look at something, or even act like we were out of the arena.  When we got to the creek there was a slighty steep bank down and it was a little muddy.  I asked her to go down and she didn't hesitate but took incredible care to make sure she placed each foot carefully and took us right into the creek.  She pawed in the water a little but mostly just stood and looked around until I asked her to turn around and head back up the bank, which she did just as calmly and carefully as she went in.

I am growing rather fond of this mare.

WTF - The Questionable Tagline

I just found this on an ad in an online equine show periodical......

... I stepped off your mother........ that.... could be misinterpreted......


Oh, the horse show crazies.  I really don't get the point of those ads.  It's like a really pricey Instagram?